1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None.  It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Why is the Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman that can't even afford a washing machine is probably too poor to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A Man once told me...."

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't.  There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men break wind more often than women?
Because a woman can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

Your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, whom do you let in first?
The dog, of course, he'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she is told.