My five-year old students are learning to read.
Yesterday one of them pointed at a picture in a zoo book and said, 'Look at this! It's a frickin' elephant!'
I took a deep breath, then asked, "What did you call it?"
"It's a frickin' elephant! It says so on the picture!"

And so it does...

Hooked on phonics! Gotta love it...

The local vicar was making his rounds on a bicycle, when he came  upon a little boy trying to sell a lawn mower.
"How much do you want for the mower?", asked the vicar.
The young boy thought for a moment, then replied "I just want enough money to go out and buy a bicycle."
After a moment of consideration, the vicar asked, "Will you take my bike in exchange for it?"
The boy asked if he could try it out first, and, after riding the bike around a little while, he said, "You've got yourself a deal!"
The vicar took the mower and began to crank it. He pulled on the rope a few times with no response from the mower. He called the boy over and said, "I can't seem to get it to start."
"That's because you have to swear at it to get it started."
The vicar said,  "I can't swear. It's been so long since I became a Vicar, I don't even remember how to swear."
The little boy looked at him happily and said, 'If you keep pulling on that rope for long enough, it'll soon come back to you."

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me.

I was maybe 2 ½ years old & had gotten me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of my favourite toys.

My daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought him a cup of “tea”, which was just water.

After several cups of my tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my mother came home.

Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest little thing!'

My mother waited, and sure enough, there I came down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up.

Then she says, 'Did it ever occur to you the only place she can reach to get any water is in the toilet?'

An American decided to write a book about famous Mosques around the world. So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to China.

On his first day he was inside a Mosque taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read "$10,000 per call".

The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to Allah. The American thanked the priest and went along his way.

Next stop was in Japan. There, at a very large Mosque, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he had seen in China and he asked a nearby Holy man what its purpose was. He told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to Allah. "O.K., thank you," said the American.

He then traveled to India, Sri Lanka, Russia, Turkey, Israel, France, Germany,. In every Mosque he saw the same golden telephone with the same "$10,000 per call" sign under it.

The American, upon leaving Vermont decided to travel to Pakistan to see if Pakistanis had the same phone. He arrived in Pakistan, and again, in the first Mosque he entered, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read "One Rupee per call."

The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign. "Imam, I have traveled all over World and I have seen this same golden telephone in many Mosques. I am told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but everywhere the price was $10,000 per call."

"Why is it so cheap here?"

The priest smiled and answered, "You are in Pakistan now, son - it is a local call".